no closure

today i found her on fb, i had to drag an explanation out of her, she told me that she went to the er for may or may not having pneumonia, but the way she told the story didnt make sense, i really wished i wlda saved the convo, she said the dr asked if she knew she was pregnant, and asked if she had been to the dr. she said that she was gonna go in the morning......why wld she say that when she was scheduled to go that day????? I know its all a lie, and i ended it with me sayin that I'm sick of fucking games. She deleted me, and blocked me, next I'm gonna hear how she lost it, or aborted it, but I won't believe that either.. This is a dangerous game, but I'm at least a decent guy, I'm not gonna do anything, I wanted to go to her fam's house and maybe reach out to her mom, but at this point it doesnt matter, I can't fuckin believe some people...
   I think that we all want some kind of closure. I kno that even after realizing the possibilities of the good and bad outcome or answer, i still seek it. But this time I won't get any closure. She played me just the way she wanted to. She created drama....included me in it, pulled me into it..... then maybe realized that i wasn't an idiot, and then made it real easy for me to walk away from it instead of just being a fuckin adult and owning up to stirring shit up.....
    You're fuckin pathetic little girl, I'm not gonna waste my time, effort, emotions, or thoughts on you anymore... You set me up, had me at the top of the world for just an instant, and then tore it out from under me... You'll get yours, I'm sure of it, but it won't be from me... Rot in hell you fuckin bitch

Tonight

Tonight I tried to forget, just for a lil bit, everything that has been goin on recently.... Tonight I tried to disconnect.... I went on a date with someone who drove quite some time to spend with me, tonight we shared a movie, we shared a meal, we shared my town, we shared some laughs, we shared some alone time on the bed, but no intimacy.... I was still so consumed with the games that are bein played on me, that I didn't let my guard enough to let someone, not even a little bit. I've never been so rattled, and it is very uncharacteristic of me, but i think its because......nothing has ever been this important to me.....Tonight I realize that time is gonna help me, and when I do reach a point where I'm not thinkin about this n that....I find myself thinking about someone I've never met....Tonight

strung along

After hours of thought, and battling with my instinct, I'm leaning towards the conclusion that she isn't even pregnant... but even still, its really disturbing to think that someone wld do that to someone else.....an enemy sure, but not someone you're kewl with. Maybe she was pregnant and she lost it, but why not Just tell me? Looking back on it some of the signs, its becoming abundant that everything she has said is real suspect..... she told me that the second time she was gonna make a Dr appointment that she cldnt reach anyone, really?? You can't get ahold of UR doctor? And once she did she said she got an appointment, she got it on a Monday afternoon, but then was able to change it with no problem to Wed morning..... I guess I'm Just a fuckin idiot

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message to her

Why have I not heard from you Brittany?!?! What have i done for you to fuck with me like this?!?! I don't deserve this, I've missed work to be there for you just for you to stand me up AGAIN! !!!! Fuck me right?!?!?!

I sent this to her via text on Dec 2nd the day after the second supposed scheduled Dr visit....in which she stood me up, I still haven't heard from her... wish I knew why

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once again

So for the second time, this "girl " who is claiming she is pregnant with my child has bailed on me with the doctor appointment. The first time she had an excuse, and it wasn't really even valid.....this time nothing. She hasn't called, texted, messaged, NOTHING...... why wld sum1 tell you that they are pregnant with ur kid, tell you that they are scared to do it alone, tell you all these things, and then just leave you hanging.....everything and I mean EVERYTHING in me is telling me that she is Fuckin with me.....but why?!?!?! Does she just want attention? Is it kharma? Does she do this a lot?? I'm losing it right now, plus I told her I Well anything and everything to help, and yet I'm left high n dry, waiting, wondering, pacing....... what to do??????

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absorption

Well its been a couple of days now, it has set in a bit. I'm gonna be a dad. Right now you are developing, forming, growing. 6 weeks I think. Once you get past 14 weeks, ill feel a bit better about it. I think about you constantly. I've only told a couple of people, ur g-ma don't even kno yet, but ur uncle does. Ur mom n I are a lil more comfortable now after we've talked. I gotta get to work, just wanted you to kno I'm thinkin of you

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at first notice

Today I found out about you. Ur my first, I'm scared, worried, kinda excited, anxious, and so many other emotions and feelings are bouncing thru my head.....bouncing so fast that I'm almost dizzy. I don't kno for sure yet if you are a YOU yet. Ur mom took a pregnancy test today, and it was positive, we're gonna go to the Dr. This week sometime to make sure. At this point n time ur the size of thumbnail, I can't stop thinking about you, and I don't know what you look like. I kno ur mom is scared, but so am I, see you're gonna have an older brother aiden, and an older cousin Brandon, regardless of you being a boy or a girl, they'll watch out for you. I don't kno if I'll write everyday, but I will damn sure try. ;-)

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